Just some thoughts on this thinking day

Now my Nightmare before Christmas post seems a little trite, but I stand by it because it made me smile.

I know not many of you read this blog, and that is okay. I understand you are all very busy with your lives. But this is a good way for me to feel like I am keeping in touch with all of you, even if I am really only keeping in touch with myself! hehe

So, a few thoughts in light of the sadness that has come to our family. I know each of us will handle this trial differently. I am not saying that my way of sorting through my emotions is the way for everyone, but it is my way. I like to talk about things rather keep them hidden. I have never been good at hiding my emotions. They are all out there on the surface.

As a woman I have to say that my heart is so broken for you, my mother. My mother whom I have loved and revered and respected and tried to honor throughout my life. My mother whom I have tried to emulate in motherhood, even though at times I would swear I would not be like my mother. My mother who has had one of the hardest trials I can ever imagine possible to have to go through, losing a child, and then to have to go through this too, and to still be able to love and forgive. You are a strong woman. As Risa so eloquently put it, "it is good to know that you truly are made of the tough stuff we always knew you were made of". I wish with all of my heart that I could just take you in my arms and hold you and tell you how much I love you and hurt for you, and cry with you and be your daughter and sister and friend in this time of pain and hardship.

I am so grateful for my siblings. You are all amazing. You are so nice to me, even though I am bossy and nosy and all up in your 'bizness' all the time. I am glad that you guys are strong and forgiving and loving. Something I know we have all worked on, and will continue to work on for years and years. Even though we don't always see eye to eye on all things, I have never, ever doubted our love for each other. We have two of the most dysfunctional families to thank for our determination to not be like them. I know all of our relationships are not perfect by any means, but I hope you all know just how much I love each of you and how grateful I am for Yesenia and Millie too. You are good women that my brothers need so much. You add to our family and I am grateful for you.

I can only imagine how terribly hard it must be as a parent to have to tell your children that you have made a serious mistake. I think it would be much harder as a parent to face your children, than as a child to confess to his/her parent. You have been the person teaching what is right , but in the end choosing the wrong. Fortunately you also taught unconditional love and forgiveness . I have never doubted in my life the love my parents have for me. I am just so sad. I am sad in the deepest part of my heart for the pain and humiliation that will be ahead for you to bear dad. For the relationships that will have to be reformed because trust has been broken. But mostly for breaking the hearts of your tender wife and children. In the gospel of Jesus Christ hearts can be mended. Trust can be restored. Our love for you, my love for you dad will always be there. Unconditionally.

I just needed to get that off my chest. I will send many prayers for all of you. For all of us who are affected by this. My love and prayers go out to the Borrego family. I love you all very much.